Someone shit on the floor
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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