Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The power of my boobs compel you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
