just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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