we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
