Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Blood and glitter go together right?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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