I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
