Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
