I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
