I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
