these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
