No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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