i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
