May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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