her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
