just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
