she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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