how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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