this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
