You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
