I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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