Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize