why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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