phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
