It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can feel your judgement through the phone
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
