Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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