my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
