i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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