Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
