just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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