If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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