if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
