i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
