If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
