Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We're too hungover to prance.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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