Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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