I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
