in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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