I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
