Ambien. No doubt about it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
