a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
tell me about the fingering
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