i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
