he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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