omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
