MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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