he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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