I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
