i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
