Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
