My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
