I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
