Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
