I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
