smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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