Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
