my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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