Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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