my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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