I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
