The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do you still have your period?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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