did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
