I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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