Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
