you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
