I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
