Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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