Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
