tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
