I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
