New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
