My sheets look like a crime scene.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize