I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
