ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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