Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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