you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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