Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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