Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
why do cheetos always look like penises
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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