Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
