Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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