i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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