you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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