can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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