are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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