i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize