You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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