i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
