every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
