how hairy? two words: wookie tits
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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