Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
